Mama's Daily Chore of Screwing Her Hair

…Seeing your Mom roll her hair up with her container of Bobby Pins

properly placed and balanced on the arm of her recliner every night (and I do mean every). This was to become a daily chore that she had dubbed “Screwing Hair”. The title of “Screwing Hair” was given for that is exactly what
she did to it to accomplish this task. ~ When finished it looked something like this…

or this

There was even an instruction sheet for it like this

As you can see from the previous instruction sheet, the proper name for these curls were Pin Curls. This being said, my Mama, in her own infinite wisdom and sense of humor, had to give it her own title…thus became what would be forever referred to in the Smith household as her nightly task of “Screwing Hair”.
She would begin this grooming exercise by putting at least four to six Bobby Pins in the corner of her mouth. She would then grab a small portion of hair with the thumb, index, and third finger of her right hand and with the index finger of this hand begin to twist, twirl, or whatever you want to call it. This clump of hair would then be wound into a circle around the index finger of her left hand. Next she would then hold that twirl down on her head with the index finger of her right hand, remove the finger from the inside of this thingie, take the index finger of her left hand, hold that curly circle of freshly wound hair down on her head, take one of the Bobby Pins out of the right corner of her mouth with the thumb and index finger of her right hand and insert it into that particular piece of hair…next another Bobby Pin would be removed from the corner of her mouth out and inserted into that same twirl thus fashioning an “X” shape with the two Bobby Pins. With all of this accomplished, we now have completed O-N-E “SCREW OF HAIR”, and I can assure you that no engineer in the world would have been able to complete this task with the precision, know-how, and speed that my Mama could. Now Ya Know ~ LOL!!!

I’ve come home from dates on many occasions and Mama would be sitting in her recliner with her feet up, back sitting straight up, both arms in the air, elbows bent and three fingers of one hand holding down a “screw” of hair, both arms are suspended in the air, bent at the elbows, with the fingers of one hand pushing a Bobby Pin halfway through one of these twirly lookin’ thing-a-ma-jiggers, the index and third finger of the other hand holding the curl gently in place, and all the while dead asleep in the chair. Amazingly, this little geometric design would stay perfectly in place without unwinding…and extra Bobby Pins constantly placed in the corner of her mouth and precariously left hanging there and available for future and immediate placement in all the other hair thingies which were to be wound.

As soon as I stepped into the family room (which I was always required to do upon returning home after all my dates and adventures), she’d would immediately wake up and exclaim “Well, you’re home!” She would then glance at her wrist watch to make sure I had made the curfew, and would then say, “It’s bedtime!” (you have to understand that my mother never went to bed ~ EVER ~ before my sister and I were both home and checked in with her, and, if late, it was entirely impossible to sneak in…P-E-R-I-O-D!)…

When she was satisfied that our curfews had been met, we were then considered to be “all-present-and-accounted-for…safe and sound”, and per Theo, we were exactly where we were supposed to be, “Home Sweet Home”. Then, as though the task of “Screwing Hair” had never been interrupted, she would complete her hair grooming with amazing the final two Bobby Pins left dangling from the right corner of her mouth…and yes she could carry on a conversation with “Bobby Pins” stuck in her mouth. With the completion of this final step, of this Herculean task would be completed by snapping a brown fish net looking thing made from nylon and elastic over her head. It was referred to as a “hair net” and looked something similar this

Supposedly this apparatus would allow her to sleep on her neatly “screwed” hair which would allow her most recent and stinking “Toni Home Perm” to last a little bit longer than normal.
Now that Mama had finally proclaime that all her biddies were accounted for and her hair now completely screwed, she could finally retire for the night. Walking by the TV, she would cut it off, flip the light switch off in the hall and plop down in her bed, where Daddy would already be sound asleep. The next morning she would rise and shine with the rooster, take the hair net off, “unscrew” (or remove), in record time, all the Bobby Pins previously inserted during the hair ritual performed a little less that seven hours prior. She would continue the ominous hair grooming

exercise by combing and brushing out all the curls out and proceed to style her hair with her prized acrylic Fuller Brush (Hey, if Fuller was good enough for Red Skelton

to conjure up a comedy part for or good enough for Dr. Billy Graham

to sell, then it was good enough for Mama)…and now finally, she was prepared to once again depart and tackle the world as she would teach yet another day at good ole Rockingham High.
“Screwing Hair”! ~ Commonly recognized to other ladies as rolling your hair in “Pin Curls”…now forever to be recognized as “Screwing Hair”. “Screwing Hair” was a whole lot funnier and would also become another remembrance I have retain of my Mama for a lifetime.

Now, you can all say that I told you the truth and can henceforth readily attest to the fact that “Screwing Hair” was not nor shall ever be considered to be “X Rated”! FUNNY or CARZY?…ENTIRELY POSSIBLE!...but never “X RATED”!