I Miss My Dad by Joel H Bailey

     My Dad died in 1977 at the young age of 60 years old. His name was Hamby Asbury Bailey - H.A. for short. I have thought over the years of writing about my Dad but for some reason or other, just have not put my words into writing. But with the passing of time and growing older as we all do, I think it is time I tried to pay a tribute to my Dad - because he was one of a kind -and- I Miss My Dad.

     Of course, everyone's dad is one of a kind to them. The intent here is not to make everyone feel less of their dad but I just wanted to try to put my words into print about my Dad. If anyone wants to send their memory of their dad to this website, it is welcome - as are all stories of memories shared by everyone.

     This seemed like the time to write, as I have time, because as I do write this memory, my wife is slowly but surely loosing ground to this terrible disease, PSP. I have written about her condition on my blog As Time Goes By.

     So, I am starting this memory tonight as I set at the computer with my wife laying on the couch as the old Lawrence Welk show is on, of which my Dad so loved. How I cherish those times when I was a kid sitting in the living room with Dad enjoying those shows. Of course, as a kid I really didn't enjoy them that much. But now that I am getting to be in the "senior" years, I enjoy them more and more. I think it is because they bring back all the memories of childhood with family.

     My Dad was a hard worker. I remember as a kid he drove a Watkins products truck and sold those Watkins products all over. There are photos of that truck on my website. He was also a Trailways bus driver at one time. I remember one time he told me his buddies pulled a trick on him. They stuffed him in the luggage compartment on the outside of the bus and drove him all the way to Greensboro. I imagine he was pretty upset about that at the time.

     At one time, Dad got into the chinchilla business and was hoping to make some money selling their pelts but I don't believe that ever came about. I remember we had chinchillas in those little cages all upstairs in our house. Dad was always trying anything to make a buck.

     Dad also worked at J.P. Stevens Hannah Pickett Plant in East Rockingham for I don't know how many years. He worked in the weaving room for a while and at one time he had some sort of accident and pulled his arm out of joint and had to go to Hamlet Hospital and let Dr Bill James re-set it.

     Now Dad worked at that mill - most of the time on second shift - for a good part of his adult life. But towards the end, he ventured out into installing storm windows, siding, flooring and fencing - all the time keeping that job at the mill. The last venture, fencing, finally freed him from working that mill job. It took a few years to build the business up before he could completely quit his mill job - but he made it.

     I remember my Dad going through all these jobs and remember when he had a little building across the street from our home on Old Ellerbe Rd that he started keeping his sample windows in, then it became the place where he stored his fencing supplies. There is a trailer park there now. At the time, my grandpa and grandma Heavner lived right next to that lot.

     Seems my Dad had to work and scratch to make a living over the years. He had a wife to take care of and 4 boys to raise. All the boys eventually helped him in his fence business for a time but I don't believe any of us volunteered for the fencing part of his life. We had to be pushed into helping him. Putting up fences is a rough job. Carrying around that chain link fence, posts, toprail, digging holes and mixing cement - it wasn't a job for the weak. But Dad loved his work because he could always ride around Richmond County and say "look at that fence - I put that up". There is a sense of pride when you can show off your handiwork. I learned that from my Dad in later years.

     When I look back, it seems that Dad was a bit different than his brothers. I might be wrong but Dad had to work his butt off just to make ends meet while his brothers seem to do pretty good in their lines of work and were known to be pretty tight with their incomes. But Dad always provided for his family and I don't remember going without anything that I needed.

     Over the years Dad developed heart problems and had three heart attacks. I remember him telling me one time that his cardiologist said "you need a new heart". But back then, that was not as common as it is today. But Dad didn't let that stop him from his work. He knew he had family to support and kept on working hard. One time we were installing a fence in Cheraw and Dad had to lay down on the ground because he couldn't breath good account of angina pains. I wish I could have helped my Dad more but when you are a kid you just don't think about those things - everything is all about you.

     But one thing Dad made sure of - as his children, he had us in church any time the doors were open. We went to Pee Dee Pentecostal Holiness Church on the hill and I have photos of that church and it's members from years ago elsewhere on this website. He was an active member in that church. I remember many times that he would perform in the Christmas plays they would put on. I have notes he wrote when he kept up with the money at the church. A lot of my uncles also went to that church and my aunts. We now have an annual get-together at the church with any and all that were affiliated with it over the years. I love to go back to those photos and remember my loved ones that have passed on and see them again in photos. It brings back a lot of memories.

     Raising four boys was a job for Dad I know. My oldest brother, Gary, whom passed away in 2001, probably gave him more trouble than the rest of us. Gary seemed to have little twitches and movements that could drive you crazy at times. He had problems in high school, got expelled after cutting a fellow student, although he said they were just horsing around. He had a drinking problem and just would not do what Dad wanted him to do. Many times I remember waking up and Gary would come in late drunk and Dad would go at him with anything he could find - shoe, fly swatter, whatever. But that never did any good. He would still do his thing. Trading cars about every year, buying a motorcycle, driving it while drinking and shooting pool. He was great at pool. I never got the talent for pool like he had. In his later years, after Dad had passed away, he was always looking for a way to make a quick buck. He worked for me for a time installing fences. But he was always looking for that special "accident" where he could collect a big insurance payout - but it never happened. When I moved back from Florida I didn't get the chance to visit my brother as we moved to Cary, not Rockingham. I intended to visit but never did - something I regret to this day because he died in 2001 in his sleep.

     My other brother Randy took over the business when Dad died but he gave mom and dad grief just like the rest of us did at one time or the other. He and cousin Mike McKenzie decided to join the Navy on the buddy plan right after high school. Of course, mom and dad didn't want that but they couldn't stop him. After he had been there maybe a year, he was ready to get out. Mom and dad wrote letters to our congressman over and over trying to get their son out of the Navy but never could do it. So he served his 4 years.

     The younger brother Keith also gave them grief. Of course, he couldn't help it. I can't remember what age he was but he was crossing the street going to our grandmothers house and was hit by a car. He just about died that night but thanks to our Aunt Mary Heavner, whom was a nurse, he made it through. She had enough sense when he came in on the stretcher to turn his head to the side so the blood would run out and not choke him.

     And I also gave my Dad and Mom grief - not doing any housework to help my mom, giving Dad a hard time when he needed me to help him put up fences, getting in trouble on a job I worked and he had to come and bail me out. Just a few of the trials and tribulations us boys put our parents through over the years.

    But learning how to install fences when I was a kid paid off. After I started working with the railroad, I decided to try my hand at fencing. I did just like Dad - worked at the RR on second shift and put up fences in the morning. Did pretty good at it but worked my butt off, just like Dad did as he was coming up over the years. But all that changed when the RR started centralizing all their clerical work to Jacksonville, Fl in 1988. I sold the fence business to friend Jerry Turner and made the move south.

     I learned from my Dad that hard work was worth it. I too enjoyed going around Richmond County and pointing out the fence I had installed at a location - it's always a sense of pride when you can locate your handiwork still standing at different locations - and realize that learning a little bit about a craft that your Dad made you learn years ago paid off.

     Regrets - that I didn't tell my Dad I loved him enough, that I wasn't there to help when he fell on that kitchen floor clutching his heart, that I didn't help him more in his later years when he was literally killing himself still doing fencing with a bad heart, that when I went to the hospital I didn't even get to see him before they pronounced him dead.

     I do know one day I will get to make all these regrets right but before that time comes, I Miss My Dad.